I’m a Christian. This
means Christ follower. This means
different. Cuz let’s face it, Jesus was
different. The Son of God, washing
people’s feet and hanging out with prostitutes and drunks; not normal.
So I wonder why some of us do all the stuff that the world says is
normal when our example was so very not?
I remember when my daughter was 8 and someone asked her if
she had a boyfriend. Cuz apparently
that’s the most normaI thing you ask a little girl. I have never experienced so many emotions at
once. Are you…kidding? Nuts? Sick? Has she ever noticed that a boy was cute?
Sure. She may have been little, but she
was, after all, human. She saw handsome
boys and sweet boys and funny boys on a regular basis and thought, hmmm…I might
wanna marry him someday. And that’s
ok. But full-on relationship? At 8? Really?
Now that both my girls are teenagers, these types of
questions abound and pile up by the day. Today, even. From a complete stranger. Because it’s normal, right?
Teenagers date, right? That’s just
what they do. We did it. Our parents did it. Culturally normal. I mean we don’t want ‘em to have sex until they’re
married, but let’s let ‘em date the opposite sex from age 11 to whenever, hold
hands & kiss and have their pulse race to heights of ecstacy they can barely manage, but manage they must,
we say, because we want them to be "pure”. Then maybe some day they’re in a
situation they can’t manage anymore. Or
maybe they can, right up until the day they walk the aisle, but by then they’ve
come in and out of so many relationships that their hearts were no longer whole
before their feet even finished growing. And there's a few broken hearts in their wake, too. And Mister Right down there by the preacher on going to the chapel day gets what’s left. Sounds like a nice, normal plan to me.
Or, we could do something crazy like go against the grain of
the world and tell our kids something like this. “You know what? You’re going to have feelings
for the opposite sex. It’s ok. It’s not sinful or wrong. But how you act on those feelings is where I,
your Christ-following parent, come in. (Remember
Him? Mr. I don’t do it the way it’s always been done?) And I don’t want you to
be consumed by these feelings and end up hurt, so here’s what we’re gonna
do. You’re not gonna date until I say
you’re spiritually and emotionally mature enough to do so. And there’s no magical, across-the-board age
when that happens, k? Your BFF’s have
nothing to do with it. They don’t live
here. And that boy?
You can’t text him or private message him, because that will only
enhance and encourage those feelings, whether they're yours or his. And you know what else? Some guys - not all, but some - will say just
about anything to you in writing. They might even tell you they love you at the ripe old age of 12. And just seeing those words – not even
hearing them but just seeing them in
front of you will make your heart go pitter patter. And boom.
You’ve given this kid a piece of your heart, via text of all things. And next month when he decides he’s in 'love' with somebody else? Then what? You see where I’m going here? So if I let you
pursue and act on every feeling and crush you have for the next 10 years, this
process could repeat itself 20 times, and what kind of parent sets their child
up to have her heart broken 20 times? Not happening. So we’re not gonna look like the rest of the
world on this guy/girl thing. And people
will tell you and I both that we’re crazy and ridiculous and over the top and
too conservative. And I’m OK with that
and happy to defend you when you can’t remember why we came to these decisions
and your little teenage mouth wants to turn to me and say, ‘Why are we so different?!’ So just be
ready. Because we’re not doing life in the world according to
the world. If you have a problem with
that, find me the scripture that says I’m in direct disobedience to the One who
entrusted you to me and we’ll talk.”
That sounds beautifully abnormal to me.
